The Penis Wants a Raise

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The Penis Wants a RaiseI, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:I do physical labour.I work at great depths.I plunge head first into everything I do.I do not get weekends off or public holidays.I work in a damp environment.I don’t get paid overtime.I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.I work in high temperatures.My work exposes me to contagious diseases.MANAGEMENT REPLYDear Penis:After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight.You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.You do not always follow the orders of the management team.You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other restricted areas.You do not take initiative.You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.You’ll retire well tuzla escort before reaching 65.You’re unable to work double shifts.You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day’s work.And, if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering andleaving the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags. Sincerely,The Management.Dear Management,I still request a raise in spite of the above. In the short time I do work, I do work very hard to achieve customer satisfaction.Yours sincerely,P. NissDear P. Niss,With reference to your claim that you work hard for short periods, I wish to remind you that sometimes the job requires longer time units, depending on the customers requirements and it has been rumoured that you have often worked to suit yourself. Such a one-eyed approach is definitely not good for public relations, and therefore Management reserve the right to decline your application in this instance.In order to achieve a pay rise, I’m sure a more dedicated and adaptable approach would be appreciated by all concerned, and enhance tuzla escort bayan your reputation.Yours sincerely,The Management Dear Management Team,I apologise for my one-eyed approach to my occupation in the past, and your recommendations about longer time units have been taken on board. Does the organisation provide on going on the job training? Such as karmasutra classes for increased periods of concentration and enhancement of my ability to work over time? Also I’m sure although the thrust of my job is to address my customers’ main needs, but is it not also important that a more holistic approach should be taken to ensure complete and repeat satisfaction. This would ensure the customers’ choice to come back for more of our service.This holistic approach I mentioned could include, for example, a complete care package beginning with a public relations dinner to establish rapport, to the follow up phone call the next day to thank them for their patronage. I would also recommend a generous amount of time be spent on preparation work before the actual project escort tuzla is underway, and some would argue that the prep work is just as important as the main job, if not more important.Having mentioned the above suggestions, I am still quite unsure how to go about it all, and my head still hangs low at the thought of such commitment and hard work ahead of me.Any ideas?Yours Sincerely,P. NissDear P. Niss,Management received your latest application with some misgivings, but so far a much more favourable outcome for your pay rise looks possible.We have to admit we were remiss in overlooking the some of the voluntary preparatory groundwork in your employment. We also realise some customers needs are greater than others in some areas, and that work can vary on the customer’s needs in far more areas than originally thought.The Complete Care package sounds promising, but would perhaps require more funding. Providing you could guarantee repeat customer orders, Management could consider an advance in salary in the interim, in order to offset personal expenses incurred, followed by a review after say, the fifth customer?As for on the job training, there are limited resources but we could perhaps run some evening classes instead. A personal message from the CEO – “Keep your pecker up”

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